It’s true: some kids see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.You can probably guess which kid bounces back faster after a dismal grade on a test. It has a lot to do with a growth mindset. Let me try to illustrate this.
A few years ago, I realized my son was firmly in the “half empty” camp — at least when it came to English class. He hadn’t read the book. He hadn’t written the essay. And instead of asking for help, he was quietly spiraling, convinced he just “wasn’t good at it.” The moping wasn’t helping. And boy was he ever moping. So I did something slightly rebellious: I kept him home from school just to help him get ahead on his work. I know, I know. Bad parenting? I don’t know. It had to happen.
It was mid-winter. My other kids went to school and then we camped out in the den with mugs of hot chocolate and a thin (but definitely not simple) edition of The Red Badge of Courage … which was overdue and the test was coming. We took turns reading out loud. We puzzled through confusing parts. At one point we stopped for lunch. And we realized that what we were ready was good. Really good. So we talked about the story. And I gently touched on how letting things slide and just plain old fear can sometimes causes people to avoid things.
By the end of the day, the book was finished. And something had shifted. He’d faced something hard and survived. We’d connected. And I’d been reminded that sometimes helping your kid grow means slowing down enough to do what must be done.
That day was my crash course in something called a growth mindset.
Understanding a Growth Mindset
The term was coined by Carol Dweck in her 2006 book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ideas can sort of get lost in the shuffle of life, but this is a good one to know. At its core, a growth mindset is the belief that abilities aren’t fixed. As in, just because something you’re trying to do is hard and seems like it always will be, it actually doesn’t have to remain so. With time, effort and practice, you can get better. In kid-friendly terms? You’re not “bad at math.” You’re just not good at it … yet.
A growth mindset is the idea that we can always learn and grow — even in areas where we currently struggle. The philosophy echoes the work of renowned Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, who said that children learn by actively engaging with challenges and new experiences.
Translation: Struggle is a part of the process.
Why it Matters to Kids
No, a growth mindset doesn’t magically make homework fun. But it does make setbacks survivable. Kids with a growth mindset:
— Bounce back faster after disappointment
— See mistakes as information, not identity
— Are more willing to try again
When kids believe they can improve, they’re more likely to take healthy risks. They raise their hands. They try out. At least they will start. And starting is half the battle.
It also boosts confidence — not the “I’m the best” kind, but the sturdier, “I can figure this out” kind. And that confidence fuels curiosity. Learning becomes less about proving yourself and more about discovering what’s possible, Dweck says.
Nurturing a Growth Mindset At Home
It’s good news that even if your child isn’t naturally optimistic, a growth mindset is teachable. Here’s how to encourage it:
1. Focus on the Positive (Without Ignoring Reality)
A growth mindset is about spotting possibility — even in annoying situations.
Is homework thrilling? No, but it’s practice. And practice builds skill. We can all be flexible thinkers; kids are especially. If you model looking for the upside, they’ll start doing it, too. Over time, that reframing becomes automatic.
2. Dangle a Carrot
Rewards work. Sometimes it’s as simple as: “Finish your homework, then you can play.” “Eat your broccoli, then you get dessert.” It’s not bribery — it’s about teaching kids to connect effort with payoff. There’s usually a bright side. Sometimes they just need help spotting it.
3. Enjoy the Journey
If your child studies hard and still doesn’t ace the test? Praise the studying. If they try out and don’t make the team? Praise the courage.
Effort, strategy, persistence — those are the real muscles you’re building. Outcomes will come and go. Character sticks.
4. Normalize Failure
This might be the most powerful shift of all. A growth mindset asks: What can I try differently next time? What did I learn? What’s one small step forward? And at the heart of it all is one tiny, mighty word:
Yet.
That single word leaves the door open.
A growth mindset takes, “I can’t do this!” and turns it into, “I can’t do this … yet!”
Looking back, I realize something important: I wasn’t trying to help my son develop a growth mindset at all that day. But we did start talking about what it takes to complete something. And I learned that it’s super helpful for me, as a mom, to really tune in to what my kids are doing in school so I can back them up as a sort of coach. No, not do the work for them. But be there for them when the going gets tough. It’s about noticing when they’re stuck. Sitting beside them. Making hot chocolate. Reading the hard book together.
Sometimes growth starts with simply saying, “OK. let’s figure this out.”
