Better Not Pout, Better Not Cry?

Tomorrow marks a week before Christmas and your kids are going bonkers. You need some quick fixes for bad behavior.

Sometimes days just begin in a panic. Other days are smooth as silk. But with all the holiday hoopla going on, all of the usual routines upended, kids are getting very excited. Add to that you’re running on overtime. What to do?

Turns out there are quick fixes to make the coming week easier.

First, try to keep some counted on routines in place for the kids. Like snuggling in bed, storytime at the library, dinnertime. Don’t let things get so out of whack that the kids don’t know what’s happening. And before heading out anywhere with the kids, be sure they are fed, not tired and give them a quick overview of what to expect so they can rise to the occasion.

And the number one hardest thing for you to do? STAY CALM!

Quick Fixes for Bad Kid Behavior

1. SECRET CODE
Establish a SECRET CODE with your kids so if you use it, they will get the message. This is one of the best quick fixes for bad behavior. No child wants to be “called out” in front of peers or in front of anyone for that matter. Pick a word or a phrase and establish it as your code. Make sure your kids know the code and understand what it means if you use the code. For example, the code is “Pickle.” You’re at Aunt Julie’s house and your boy is misbehaving, running around wildly. You intervene and look at him and say, “Pickle.” Watch the palor of his face change.

2. GIVE A VISUAL REMINDER ABOUT  LOWERING VOICES
Sometimes kids can be so loud in public!  Because you don’t want to have to shout across a room, “Inside voices!” you need a tool. Let your kids know that if they get loud in public you will signal to them by lifting your hand above your head (showing your child that he is “up here”), and that you need him to bring it down “here,” (lower your hand below your hip). Again, they will appreciate not being called out in front of others.

3. LOWER YOUR VOICE TO A WHISPER
Yelling gets you absolutely nowhere and only leaves you in a rotten mood, so give it up. Try whispering to your child if he’s doing something you don’t approve of. Just try it. You will need to get very close to your child. Whisper, “I don’t want to yell at you, so instead, I want your such-and-such behavior to change.” It’s a brief connection that can work well as long as you don’t do it too much. It may not feel as satisfying as just shouting your head off, but it absolutely will feel better to you and your child in the long run.

4. TRIED AND TRUE COUNTDOWN
Seasoned moms and dads know this one really, really well, as do school teachers (if they’re not shutting off lights or clapping their hands, that is). Counting down is a direct cue to your kids that their misbehavior must stop. Kids are smart though, so keep the countdown brief. Use a 10 count. Speed it up if you have to, or slow it down if that works better and you see your child is trying.

5. CATCH THEM BEING GOOD
Quick fixes for bad behavior can be offset by giving your kids plenty of encouragement. Even before you get somewhere you can say something nice to your child like, “I like how you’re sitting in your car seat watching the cars go by. You’re such a good traveler.” These small affirmations should be sincere and pointed out often. Everybody loves to hear, “Good job!” so try to come at your kids this way and see the magic. “If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others,” says Haim G. Ginott, author of Between Parent and Child.

6. KEEP GIVING AFFECTION
Kids need a ton of reassuring and positivity from their parents. Give them plenty of hugs. If there’s a deficit in this department, it can be felt as rejection and that leads to acting out. Emotional connection and warmth help keep kids regulated, even during the holidays.

Phrases to Try

• “There’s a lot to be excited about today — let’s also remember how we show our best selves.”

• “Big days bring big feelings. We can enjoy them and stay kind.”

• “I know you’re excited. Let’s make a plan so everyone has fun.”

• “Your body is telling me you’re excited — let’s help it calm down for a minute.”

• “Let’s pause, take a breath, and try that again.”

• “I love your excitement. Let’s use it in a way that works for everyone.”

• “I see you trying. Let’s find a better way to show that excitement.”

• “That choice isn’t working. What’s another way we can do this?”

• “Let’s turn this into a game and see if it’s easier.”

SOURCES: Between Parent and Child by Haim G. Ginnott; Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.

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