From time to time over the years, people growing their family have inevitably asked, “What’s it like having four kids?” It’s not an easy answer beyond the word “chaos.” You can’t even say, “controlled chaos,” because that’s an impossible illusion. But here’s what it’s like going from one, to two, to three, to four.
But first, a few requirements: flexibility, a good sense of humor and energy that lasts for days.
BABY ONE:
You know nothing, but you figure, how hard can it be? One little child’s no big deal. The upshot? Your figuring is wrong. One little child is a HUGE deal. You are now fully responsible for the care and feeding of a helpless tiny, needy soul who can tell you nothing without crying and it’s an extreme wake-up call. On top of that, getting a good night’s sleep is a joke. Somewhere around three months in you realize, oh I think I’ve got this. But then something unexpected happens and you realize you don’t. That’s one. Baby #1 is the hardest by far.
BABY TWO:
Thank God you have four hands between you because you need them all. Going to two kids is the easiest though, because you’ve already done the hard work of one. In fact, the second baby is pure joy. You simply build on to what you’ve already learned. The fuzzy sleeplessness continues though … as it will for years to come.
BABY THREE:
I call this the divide-and-conquer baby because you are now outnumbered. There’s a lot of you do this, I’ll do that and we’ll meet at so-and-so. You have to delegate without being shrill. You are in danger of resentment if you think your partner isn’t doing enough to help. Don’t go there. Instead, say supportive words like, “Good job on that!” and keep the hugs and kisses flowing.
BABY FOUR:
This is the “fall-in” baby, because your crew is established and beyond day-to-day busy. So this baby simply has to fit in, no questions asked! You’ve already learned what A LOT means, so now you’re winging each day. If you don’t like to wing life a little bit, this may not be for you. But in my experience, the fourth baby is a charming addition to your first three and the first three just adore the little newcomer. The fourth is the icing on the cake — sweet!
I think about my years with four kids ages 9 and younger as the BEST part my life. It is a whirlwind of activity and learning, mishaps and challenges, but it is the ultimate in the sharing experience, in never being alone. In fun and consequences and complications and merriment. What else are we here for if not these rich, involved relationships with our own intertwined kin?
So yes, going from one, to two, to three, to four is a lot. But it’s the time of your life. And isn’t it fun for life to be a carnival? THAT’s four kids.
