Let me tell you about the worst-ever night in our household. It creeps up every couple of weeks or so and threatens to tear us all to shreds. Maybe you’ve seen it before, too? A little thing called kids and eating.
It’s called salad night. You know, the “healthy” dinner meal you try to slip in between lasagna night and taco night? Right — that sneaky move doesn’t work for me either, friend.
Just the mention of “salad” sends my youngest son into convulsions. Immediately, his eyes get wide, lips pouty. Then his shoulders start moving upward, and his body turns into a noodle. Like an actual floppy, cooked spaghetti noodle. His legs give way, and he dramatically falls to the ground like he’s been taken over by a big, scary monster.
But there’s no big scary monster. It’s just my 7-year-old. And his intense hatred for green salad.
I’ve got to admit — we had a rough few months last year with food. It seemed like we fought every single night over eating vegetables. Good intentions didn’t work. And neither did threats of “You won’t get your dessert!”
My husband and I became weary and almost angry, dreading dinner around the table each night. That time used to fill us up, make us laugh, help us connect with our kids. But that I-won’t-eat-anything-green season? It almost took us down, y’all.
We were stressed. The kids were stressed. And our whole house could feel it.
Kids and eating: Avoiding Battles
Plenty of moms and dads stress out about what and how much their kids eat — especially toddlers and preschoolers. But parent stress around food actually creates a food battle between you and your child. Think about it: your toddler’s tummy is very small. If you expect him to eat a full plate at every meal you will be disappointed regularly — and so will he. Learn to take eating cues from your child.
“The great thing about most children is they are able to recognize their hunger and fullness cues and will eat more some days and less other days,” says Jessica Bennett, M.S., R.D., L.D., a former dietitian at Vanderbilt. “While it can be scary and frustrating for parents, as children grow, their needs increase and decrease,” she adds.
So you have to accept this and not make a big deal out of it or risk igniting a battle by bringing too much attention to food.
“It’s best not to make it a battle,” Bennett says. “Sometimes the less you talk about it the better.”
But that can be hard. Especially when you see your toddler sitting in front of his food turning it into finger paint or if he goes meal to meal eating very little.
“The best way to avoid a food battle is to offer healthy food at three meals and two snacks a day,” says Donna Hamacher, M.D., a Middle Tennessee pediatrician. “When the child indicates that he is done eating, let him be done. Young children’s appetites can vary between meals so if they do not eat much at one meal, they likely were not very hungry; they will eat more at other meals,” she adds.
Remember, you want to develop a positive experience around meal times.
Help Your Child Discover New Foods
The more exposure you give your kids to new, whole foods, the more their curiosities will peak. Help to develop their interest in new foods by looking at produce together at farm stands and the grocery store. Let your child pick out a few different items that he would like to taste and buy a few items at a time. But don’t get discouraged if your child doesn’t like the foods he’s picked out to try — remember, tasting is an experiment and learning to like foods is a journey from babyhood onward. There’s nothing “wrong” about it!
“It is developmentally appropriate for young children to be picky about food,” Hamacher says. So be very cautious about telling your child — labeling your child — as picky or fussy.
“It is unhelpful for parents to tell their children that they are picky,” Hamacher cautions. “Instead, try to work with your child by letting him help with food planning and preparation or trying to give him choices between two healthy options,” she suggests.
To see the daily needs of fruits and vegetables for children, go here.
Sweets, Snacks and Balance
It’s easy to get confused during the 15+ years it takes for your child to grow.
When your kids are infants, feeding them a healthy balance of fruits, vegetables, protein and dairy is easy because you are in control. But somewhere after a child starts feeding himself, the preference for eating sweet treats and crunchy salty snacks enters in and it becomes harder and harder to get your child to balance his weekly intake with fruits and vegetables.
Kids seem to be able to eat whatever they want to without restraint or weight gain and so you let them. But if you neglect to establish healthy eating guidelines for your kids, by the time upward growth slows, outwardly growth will take over. Especially if your child’s accustomed to a diet high in carbohydrates, fats and sweets.
While your child’s young, focus on positively encouraging him to choose pleasing healthy flavors when he is hungry. Establish that snacks and desserts are treats to enjoy from time to time but certainly not endlessly.
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How to Navigate with Picky Eaters
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Setting Boundaries
For family dinners, aim to provide a healthy meal that includes a vegetable and some protein (remember, you are growing bones!) If your child hasn’t loaded himself up with snacks prior to mealtime, he will likely participate in eating with the family. If not, avoid offering something else for him to eat.
“Children are really smart and will learn they never have to eat what you are cooking if you go by this rule,” Bennett says. “A better thing to do is to put everything on the plate that the family is eating and to not make it a battle if they choose not to eat it,” she adds.
“If a child refuses a meal, I don’t recommend offering something else,” says Hamacher. “This can encourage a child to become a picky eater. Instead, try to include one healthy item as part of the meal that you know they will eat,” she adds.
Kids and eating: Create a Positive Food Culture at Home
• Know that magic happens at mealtime.
You can connect with your kids in conversation and you can use this time to model healthy practices with food as well as learn about what foods each of your kids love … or not.
• Offer the right-sized portions for kids.
Bennett says to use the size of your child’s hand as a guide. Toddler portions should be a quarter of an adult portion, and children should eat child-sized portions until adolescence, Hamacher says.
• Encourage everyone to eat the same food at mealtime.
• Don’t battle.
If kids don’t like what’s served, offer a piece of fruit. If they are hungry, they will eat it.
