Wouldn’t it be grand if you could be closer with your kids? You can! One way is by knowing your child’s love language. In The 5 Love Languages of Children, (Northfield Publishing, May, 2016), authors Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell outline the five different ways children receive love. And while we all receive love through language and actions, for each child, there is one particular “language” that has the loudest voice. This personal love language fills their tank the fastest and it’s very helpful for you to know. When a child’s tank is full, they are happier, more cooperative, and they take in what we teach much more readily. Chapman says the secret to loving your children well is in knowing their love languages. So let’s get started.
The fastest and easiest way is to go online at fivelovelanguages.com and take the quiz, it’s free. But, you also can ask yourself three questions:
IDENTIFY YOUR CHILD’S DOMINANT LOVE LANGUAGE
PHYSICAL TOUCH
For many children, physical touch communicates love more deeply than the words, “I love you.” It also has more impact than a present, fixing a bicycle, or spending time together. Some of the ways you can show love to the child whose love language is physical are:
• Hold hands when you walk side by side or when you tell stories
• Give high fives
• Enjoy lots of hugs and kisses
• Sit close or invite them on to your lap
• Offer back rubs or foot massages
• Touch their shoulder when talking or making a request
• Ask often if they need a hug or cuddle
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Sending helpful, positive messages is very important to children. And to the opposite effect, be aware that criticism and a harsh tone of voice are particularly hard on children whose primary love language is words of affirmation. Even though affirming words are quickly said, they are not soon forgotten. Try these things:
• Give your child a sweet nickname
• Leave notes in their lunchbox
• Say, “I love you” first and often
• Share what you like about them
• Verbally affirm their positive actions
• Tell them you’re proud of them
• Offer sincere, heartfelt compliments
QUALITY TIME
Spending time with your children where you are intently focused on them is a beautiful gift. It makes your child feel that he is the most important person in the world to you. When you spend quality time with children, it says, “You are important to me.” Tips for these children include:
• Play with them without distractions
• Read together
• Go on mommy/daddy dates
• Let your child choose how to spend time together
• Cook together
• Tell them stories of your childhood
• Laugh and tell jokes
• Practice active listening
GIFTS
For the child whose love language is gifts, it’s not about just collecting objects. Those whose language of love is receiving gifts will respond differently when they get their gift. The gift is a symbol of the thought behind it. It says, “I was thinking of you.” Meaningful things you can do include:
• Send them mail
• Select personalized gifts
• Gift them a friendship bracelet you made
• Hand out stickers and small rewards
• Pick flowers from the yard for them
• Provide an inexpensive handmade gift
• Study and know what the child likes
ACTS OF SERVICE
Love is a verb because love is action. This is the little acts of service you do to communicate, “You mean so much to me.”
• Set up play invitations/activities
• Help them with homework
• Repair or mend a toy or other belonging
• Make them a special meal or treat
• Teach them how to do things
• Offer a blanket on a cold day
• Help them with their room decor
