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February 17, 2025

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Meeting of the Minds: Pre-Baby Talks You Need to Have

Don’t wait to have important talks before Baby arrives. Here are the important subjects you need to dig into now!

Everyone tells you to read up as much as you can before your baby arrives, but does anybody tell you to talk? Not really. And yet there are several very important topics new parents need to discuss before the baby makes the big arrival, says Paul Morgan-Bentley in the book The Equal Parent:How Sharing the Load Helps the Whole Family Thrive (Bookouture; Feb. 2023).
    Hammering particulars out — and committing to what you agree to — is part of the foundation of your journey together as parents.

WORKING AS A TEAM

Before Baby makes an entrance into your world and gets it spinning in a whole new direction, discuss your expectations. Talk with your partner about what it means to each of you to co-parent together. You may be surprised. Set up the expectation early that you will share the practical responsibilities of raising your little human together, as in who will do the feeding, the diaper changing, etc.Morgan-Bentley says to keep in mind that these tasks can change and switch between you but that communication is key to keeping each other in the loop. During pregnancy is a great time to discuss all of this and more.

TALK ABOUT:

• Who will take the baby to well-child visits? One of you or both?

• Who will keep the master calendar that includes key dates you need to remember as a family and more?

• Who will keep tabs on the baby’s growing size, shop for clothing as needed, etc.

• Discuss letting each other make decisions — and mistakes — together.

• Discuss equality and taking turns getting up at night for feedings.

• If you have a pet, decide how you’re going to handle that. You will need to put a lot of time into preparing your dog for your baby, for instance.

• How will you approach chores and your home management while adding a baby and all of their needs?

• Make sure that you’re both on the same page and that you will discuss as you move forward and Baby grows.

• Don’t just talk about having a baby, talk about having a child.

• What do you think your parenting style is and does it match up with your partner?

• If breastfeeding, discuss plans for support and potential challenges.

• How will you provide emotional support for each other during labor, postpartum and throughout the new challenges of parenthood?

    BABY-ON-BOARD DISCUSSIONS

There’s plenty to talk about before Baby makes an arrival and talking everything through will save a lot of conflict later on.

Feelings:
How do each of you feel about tech usage around your Baby/child? What do you each feel about sleeping arrangements (co-sleeping; a crib; a SNOO).

Family:
How you will handle family members who cross boundries? Whether or not you want family around you after the birth?

Discipline:
Time outs, spanking, gentle parenting, etc. How will you set boundaries with your child as they get older? Corporal punishment is especially important to talk about if one parent thinks it’s OK and the other doesn’t.

Religion:
What values are important to you as a family and how will these be instilled? Is a certain religion important to one or both of you, etc.

Feeding the child:
Organic, healthy, eat what you eat, junk food is fine etc. Finish their plate or no? Kid picks meals or parents pick meals? Baby-led weaning or purées, etc.?

Childcare:
Will baby/toddler/preschooler go to daycare, preschool? Montessori, a Waldorf, traditional? Will they go to private or public school?

Finances:
How will you afford all of the expenses that come with a baby/child and what will you compromise if you can’t afford it?

Division of Labor:
For instance, if you’re on maternity leave and he’s not?  You will need to come to terms on nighttime feedings, cooking, laundry, diapers, baths … everything.

 

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About the Author

Janie Snyderman

Janie Snyderman is a mom and a freelance writer.