It was an ordinary day during recess for 9-year-old Eric Smith when he spotted a group of boys huddled together on the playground. “Hey guys!” he called out, jogging over. “Want to play kickball?” But the boys barely looked up. Curious, Eric stepped closer and peeked over a friend’s shoulder. They were crowded around a tablet, eyes fixed on the screen. At first, it looked like just another video game. But then an ad popped up with an image of a woman in revealing clothing. He tapped the picture, and with that one click, the game redirected them to a site with graphic, explicit content.
Sadly, this is a situation many of us are all too familiar with. While the way kids access explicit content has shifted to exposure through digital platforms, the concern itself isn’t new. Thanks to the explosion of technology, things like pornography are now just a few clicks away. This makes it much easier for not only adults, but also children to come across content they’re not ready to see. That’s why it’s critical for parents to stay ahead of first exposure and to build a relationship based on openness and trust to effectively protect their kids. Protecting children from pornography is crucial.
How Pornography Disrupts Healthy Development
The average age of first time accidental exposure for children is between the ages of 8 and 12, says Greta Eskridge, author of It’s Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Children and Teens Develop Sexual Integrity. Eskridge is also a mom of four.
Accidental exposure can occur in a number of ways, including Google searches that provide suggested content, pop-up ads on phones and video games. A friend could show your child something on social media. For a young mind, this kind of content is confusing and it can have a negative impact on their emotional, psychological and sexual development.
“Medical research has shown that pornography creates new pathways in the brain with repeated use. Those new pathways hijack the brain’s regular dopamine pathway,” explains Eskridge.
Early exposure can influence attitudes, relationships and behavior. This can lead to a greater acceptance of negative things such as sexual harassment, body dissatisfaction, depression, sexual aggression and more, according to Jill Howlett of Our Kids Center. Our Kids is a Nashville nonprofit that provides medical evaluations, counseling and more in response to concerns of child sexual abuse. Pornography changes the way that the user views other people, and can lead to the objectification of others.
Protecting Children From Pornography
“Pornography use in adolescents and children, for many, could be their first sexual experience,” Eskridge says. “Most of the pornography produced right now is incredibly violent. If that is a kid’s first sexual experience, then that makes an imprint on them, and could be what they then expect for themselves,” she adds. “It takes things like safety, love, connection, consent and kindness out of the equation of a sexual encounter, and replaces it with things like fear and danger. It makes it selfish, instead of a giving, loving, kind exchange.”
Understanding the deep and lasting effects pornography can have on a child makes one thing clear: prevention and guidance are essential. Fortunately, parents are not powerless. With the right tools, conversations and boundaries, meaningful steps can be taken to protect children.
Guiding Kids Through Tricky Topics
Starting the conversation early, ideally before age 8, is one of the most effective ways to prepare kids for what they might encounter. Having a clear, age-appropriate plan of action equips kids to respond confidently. It also builds trust and keeps the door open for future conversations.
“If a child is naming parts of their body, they can also say it’s their ‘private parts,’” explains Howlett, a forensic social worker. “As soon as they’re giving those kinds of names to body parts, a parent should be having the conversation with their kid,” she adds.
Eskridge recommends actually using the word “pornography” when having these conversations. “It adds a layer of protection for our kids,” she says. “Because if somebody ever were to show them pornography, it is empowering for them to be able to identify that. Then they can say, ‘Hey, this person is not safe for me to be around. They showed me pornography.’”
Knowing this could happen, what can you do preemptively? A simple, age-appropriate approach might involve telling your child, “If you ever see something like that, just turn off the screen, walk away and come find me.” There’s no need for detailed explanations. It’s enough to acknowledge that sometimes people show up on screens without clothes and that’s not something kids should be seeing.
Building Trust
If (and when) your child comes to you, above all, he needs to understand that he won’t be in trouble. Reinforcing that you’ll be glad they came to you with a worry helps build trust and keeps the lines of communication open. Protecting children from pornography gives them confidence and clear action steps, not overwhelming them with information they’re not ready for.
“It’s like, if we tell our kids, ‘I don’t want you to cross the street without me, because that’s dangerous.’ You wouldn’t go into great detail of what would happen to them if they got hit by a car and make it gory and horrible and terrible,” says Eskridge. “You would just say, ‘You can get hit by a car. It’s dangerous. I want to walk across the street with you, then you will be more safe.’ That’s a safety plan for them — crossing the street or telling your kids about pornography and explicit images. That is their digital safety plan,” Eskridge adds.
After exposure, the first step is to reassure your child and ask for more details about what they witnessed, advises Common Sense Media. The online non-profit provides reviews and ratings on the suitability of content for kids. Then, allow them the space to share their feelings and to ask questions. Following the conversation, you will be able to tell if more help is needed to address potential trauma.
Shielding Screens and Minds
Open and judgement-free conversations are at the center of protecting children from pornographic content, but there are additional guard rails that can be instilled as well. These include device monitoring with parental control apps and settings. Also, encouraging shared screen time in common areas of your home, disabling incognito mode on devices, enabling Google SafeSearch and frequently checking internet history. If pornography becomes an issue in your household, additional road blockers can be added. You can purchase an internet router that blocks inappropriate sites, or turn off the internet completely. In these more extreme cases, therapists and counselors may help.
Of course, it is also important to teach children about healthy relationships, consent and the difference between fantasy and reality in online content. It’s also crucial to address peer pressure as friends are often the ones who introduce inappropriate content.
“Kids are certainly hearing a lot more than we can ever imagine they do,” Howlett says. “If you can start building that open relationship about really uncomfortable situations, your kids will come to you and ask you about stuff. And they will be more likely to tell you when they do see something that they shouldn’t. It just builds a relationship of trust,” she adds.
Push Through Your Discomfort
Parenting in the digital age comes with challenges previous generations didn’t have to face. And when it comes to protecting children from pornography, silence is not safety, preparation is.
“It’s uncomfortable, but unfortunately, because we live in a sex-saturated world where digital safety is of the utmost concern, we have to be willing to push through the discomfort,” says Eskridge.
Talking about pornography may feel awkward at first, but avoiding the topic leaves children vulnerable to confusion, fear and shame. By starting early, setting clear expectations and creating a safe space for questions, you’re not just protecting your child from harm, you’re building a foundation of trust that will serve them for years to come.
