Ever wish your baby came with an instruction manual? No doubt it would help, since trying to understand your newborn is never straightforward.
“One of the toughest challenges for new parents is to learn to decipher their infant’s cues,” says Katherine L. Rosenblum, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and co-editor of Treating Parent-Infant Relationship Problems: Strategies for Intervention. Or even your older baby.
“Sometimes you can figure out what they’re trying to tell you right away; other times you completely miss the mark. And that’s OK as long as you keep trying.”
To help you zero-in on what’s going on with your child, a little sleuthing may be in order.
The Many Moods of Baby: Five Analyzed Situations
YOUR 3-WEEK-OLD FLASHES YOU A SMILE
You think: My baby loves me!
What’s actually going on: While those toothless grins can melt your heart, they don’t mean much at this stage. In fact, before 6 weeks, those sweet smiles most likely result from a pleasant sensation (like a light massage) — or they could just be a release of pent-up energy.
“It isn’t until sometime between 6 and 12 weeks that infants begin to have social smiles — a responsive behavior in which you smile at your baby and she beams at you,” says Ari Brown, M.D., coauthor of Baby 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby’s First Year.
Even then, babies doesn’t discriminate — they’ll smile at everyone. To understand your newborn, at around 4 months, they develop what experts call “selective social smiling,” which means your baby reserves their biggest grins for their parents and anyone else with whom they’ve formed a close relationship.
YOUR 2-MONTH-OLD WON’T STOP CRYING
You think: He’s not tired, he’s not wet, he’s not hungry. Something must be terribly wrong.
What’s actually going on: Most likely, your little one’s simply feeling a bit distressed.
After all, for a tiny baby, an annoyance as small as a scratchy tag on their clothing, lights that are too bright or music that’s overly loud can lead to nonstop wailing. How can you understand your newborn now?
Another possible cause of your baby’s tears: overstimulation. If you’re playing with your baby and he starts to look away, turn his head to the side or break eye contact, chances are he needs a little downtime. Stop playing and let him rest in your arms.
“Infants are like runaway trains: Once they start crying, they can’t put the brakes on their emotions,” says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., coauthor of Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start. “That’s why you need to let them recharge before they get too worked up.”
AT 3 MONTHS OF AGE, YOU HEAR THE BABY LAUGH
You think: Is that a laugh or is it just gas?
What’s actually going on: Most likely, it’s the start of laughter.
At around 3 or 4 months, your baby will do something amazing: laugh. Whether it’s a lighthearted giggle or a full-blown guffaw, you should take great pleasure in this happy emotion.
“Your child’s first laugh means they’ve started to develop a sense of humor,” says Acredolo. “This is a huge emotional milestone. It signifies that your baby is happy and feels secure.”
In the beginning, touch is most likely to bring about laughter, so try lightly tickling your baby — especially at the end of songs and rhymes. As your baby gets older, she’ll be able to tell when you’re actually trying to be funny, whether it’s by making wacky faces, blowing raspberries or playing games like peekaboo.
Feeling silly doing this stuff? Don’t!
“Sharing a sense of humor with your baby is key to a healthy bond,” says Acredolo. “After all, babies fall in love not just with the people who feed and change them, but also with the people who make them laugh.”
YOUR 6-MONTH-OLD BABBLES UP A STORM
You think: He’s trying to tell me something.
What’s actually going on: Babbling is just that: babble.
“Babies play with their vocal cords like they play with their fingers and toes,” says Acredolo.
There are two areas of the brain that control language: one primitive and one more mature.
“At this age, the primitive skills are in full swing as your baby begins to make a range of sounds and tries out a variety of intonations that mimic adult conversation,” explains Brown.
When your baby is closer to a year old, their mature language skills will kick in and they’ll be able to associate words with objects. And even though their early chatter isn’t code for, “Give me more milk,” it’s still an important part of language development.
“Answer your baby’s babble, and encourage them to keep making sounds,” says Brown. “You’re laying the groundwork for healthy verbal give-and-take as your child gets older.”
YOUR 9-MONTH-OLD TOSSES HER BOWL ON THE FLOOR
You think: She doesn’t like what I’m feeding her.
What’s actually going on: Unless your little one also sticks out her lower lip and tongue and spits out her food (both are ways a baby displays disgust), your meal is probably fine. Your baby is just curious and exploring.
“Babies throw things to see what happens to them,” explains Brown. “It’s that simple.”
Some parents misread this action, along with the throw-toys-out-of-the-crib game, as testing limits. But that’s not it.
“Babies throw because it’s fun, not because they’re being manipulative,” says Dr. Acredolo.
If you need a break from the flinging, try filling a tissue box with old washcloths and hankies, then let your baby pull and throw to their heart’s delight!
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