It’s been force-fed to us since, presumably, the first caveman and cave woman nabbed a spare minute away from delousing their kid’s pelt — you’ve got to be the “fun” parent.
We hear it constantly. If you’re not embracing your “inner child” and getting “rib-tickling laughter cramps” from parenting, you’re doing it wrong. There should be ongoing tickle fights, blanket forts and you should be waking up your kids each morning with the promise of doughnuts and adventure. Right? Well, not necessarily.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not knocking tickle fights or spontaneous adventures. I’m just saying it’s important to find balance.
As the diagnosed “fun” parent of the house, I’ve seen how that diagnosis can affect my other parenting half. You see, while I chase the kids with a blanket and a mixing bowl on my head, Mom is the one following behind us tidying up our mess. As the kids bury me in pillows on the living room floor, Mom’s the one booking dentist appointments and looking up meal plans.
Does Mom get jealous of our silly antics and playful relationship? Sure. Did we fall into our default roles because of our differing personalities? Maybe. Or does it have to do more with an unfair set of expectations around motherhood compared to fatherhood? Maybe that, too.
I get to be the “fun dad,” while she shoulders the mental load. Who’s more likely to get to drop everything and play trains or Magna-Tiles with the kids when they have a few free minutes? I am. Who’s more likely to see that they’re happily occupied and think, “Cool, this is a perfect opportunity to go fold that laundry in the dryer?” She is. Is this because she’s the more serious, less playful one in our partnership? Or is it because she’s the mom and moms are so chronically busy multi-tasking that they feel like they can’t get down on the floor and enjoy their kids while they’re still kids?
Again, don’t get me wrong. For some, this relationship dynamic works. But I’ve found raising kids is much easier when you and your partner take a tag-team approach.
Children need rules enforced from both parents. While it may not be fun, the everyday routines and responsibilities actually show them that you care. Both parents have to have those hard conversations about emotionally charged subjects. That’s how you connect with your kids on a deeper level. And when it comes down to the real tough stuff in life, kids go to the parent who has built trust with them — and that doesn’t have to be just one of you.
So parents, try a little tag-teaming when you can. I’m not saying to swap roles completely, just try to find a little more balance. If you find yourself stuck in one role as a parent, don’t be afraid to try to meet in the middle a little bit. Just like each parent deserves the relationship that goes with being the “strict” one, each parent also deserves to wear the mixing bowl on their head once in a while.
