Children are something else, aren’t they? As soon as they are born, they begin seeking personal power. Whether they’re struggling to take a first step or trying to ride a bike without training wheels, kids have an innate will to make their own way in life — and that’s the way it needs to go.
But as parents, kids seeking to do things their way leads to them acting out and to power struggles. You can literally struggle with a 1-year-old. Meanwhile as a child grows, their assertiveness for what they want does, too. It’s important for mom and dad to evolve with their child’s developing needs. By keeping expectations of your changing children realistic as they grow, you can manage their behavior better — and it doesn’t mean that you accept bad behaviors.
5 Ways to Manage Your Kid’s “Bad” Behavior
1. Adjust Your Expectations (a.k.a. Embrace the Chaos)
“He’s just a toddler, he’s just a toddler” Yep, he sure is! So, take a deep breath and adjust those expectations about “bad” behavior. Your little whirlwind is still learning the ropes of life, and it’s up to you to set rules that make sense for their age. Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., author of The Future of Your Only Child: How to Guide Your Child to a Happy and Successful Life, reminds us that parenting is all about balance. For instance, if your kiddo refuses to clean up his mess (shocking, right?), instead of turning into the Clean-Up Police, try patience. Listen to his reasoning (even if it makes zero sense) and remind him of the family rule: We all pitch in. Because, let’s be honest, no one wants to feel like the household maid.
2. Follow Through (a.k.a. Walk the Talk)
Consistency is your secret superpower. Kids have a sixth sense for hypocrisy — if you say, “No phones at the dinner table,” but you’re sneaking a peek at yours, guess who’s going to call you out? Yep. Your tiny rule enforcer. So, if you set a rule, stick to it. Show them you mean what you say. It builds trust, and trust makes parenting about a thousand times easier (not easy, but easier).
3. Give Reasons (a.k.a. Avoid the “Because I Said So” Trap)
By ages 3 or 4, kids are tiny negotiators, always asking “Why?” (sometimes 47 times in a row). Instead of shutting them down with “Because I said so!” (tempting, we know), offer simple explanations.
Try: “You’re getting older, and that means helping out around the house, just like the rest of us.” When kids understand the “why” behind a rule, they’re way more likely to actually follow it.
4. Reward Effort with Appreciation (a.k.a. Hype Them Up!)
Every time your child listens, helps, or follows a rule, let them know they crushed it! A simple “Wow, I really appreciate that you put your toys away without me asking 100 times!” goes a long way.
Kids want to feel valued (don’t we all?), and positive reinforcement is pure magic. When they feel appreciated, they’ll be more motivated to keep up the good work.
5. The Parent vs. Child Job Description (a.k.a. Who’s the Boss?)
“Because my job is to take care of you.” Boom. That’s always a solid answer. Kids need to know that while they have their role in the family, you’re still the one calling the shots.
You can say: “As your parent, I have the final say on what you can and can’t do. You might not always like it, and that’s okay. But I promise I’ll be firm when I need to be, flexible when I can, and always listen to you.”
At the end of the day, parenting is about evolving. Your kids are growing (too fast, right?!), and your expectations should grow with them. Stay firm on the important stuff, stay flexible where it counts, understand that “bad” behavior is natureal and most of all, — enjoy the ride!
