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April 13, 2024

Where Every Family Matters

Chickenpox Outbreak Shuts Down Smyrna

Faster than a lightning bolt. More powerful than a biblical plague. Blame the anti-vaxxers! Chickenpox has resurfaced in a mass outbreak that’s shut down all of the schools and public gathering places in Smyrna.

Authorities are urging parents with infected kids to stay at home for the next two weeks.

“This is a nightmare of epic proportions,” says Rose Nylund, M.D., a pediatrician with Pint-Sized Pediatrics in Smyrna. “We have overcrowded waiting rooms and lines of itchy kids out the door,” she adds.

Nylund says there’s really nothing you can do to help your kids other than coat them in Calamine lotion, and you better get to the drug store fast, because it’s flying of the shelves faster than Cabbage Patch Dolls.

Despite lots of itching, not all kids are complaining. “I like staying home and playing Nintendo!” beams Barclay Reynolds, the pesky fourth grader who was the first kid in town to break out with the prickly bumps. “I hope my teacher caught it, because I don’t like math,” he quips.

Suck it up, parents, and next time you’re considering skipping a vaccination, think again!

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