It’s a familiar scene in our car: “No, my turn!” shouts my 2-year-old from the backseat as she tries to outshine her 6-year-old brother during his probably-a-little-too-loud rendition of “Jingle Bells.”
“You can either sing together at the same time or wait until brother’s done,” I tell the little budding soloist.
Thirty seconds later: “No, mine!” she yells as she sees her big brother reach down to pick up a toy ball (which neither of them has cared about in months) from the floor of the car.
I reach back and grab a different ball and hand it to her.
“No, THAT ball!” she screams pointing to the one her brother has.
“After brother’s done with that ball, it can be your turn,” I say in an attempt to not give in to her completely expected toddler behavior.
Sound familiar? We’re all out here trying to raise a Charlie Bucket, not a Veruca Salt. I think one of my worst fears as a parent is raising a kid who ends up unappreciative, impatient or ungrateful.
It’s that last word that really stresses me out. I especially want to cultivate gratitude in my kids — something that feels particularly urgent every December when we’re bombarded with consumerism.
While Thanksgiving is the traditional season for talking about gratitude, Christmastime gives parents the perfect opportunity to show our children what the spirit of thankfulness really looks like: how to be grateful for what you have, how to give thoughtfully to others and how to express gratitude for what you receive.
But let me tell you — it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Likely, if your kids still have all their baby teeth, they probably don’t give two flying flips about anyone outside of the almighty “I.” Their worlds revolve around them, and no amount of dad’splaining how fortunate they are is going to change that. Their brains don’t work that way yet.
Young children have very little capacity to think beyond their own wants and desires and that “right now” impulse. Is it embarrassing to have a child who falls apart when told they’re not getting the toy they see at the store or the candy bar in the checkout aisle? Sure. But it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
So, how do we raise grateful humans? Well, show them.
Like with other parenting issues, it turns out modeling the behaviors you want to see in your child is the best way to make a lasting imprint. Because they’re watching you — always. They may not give away their tooth fairy allowance to charity right away, but you’ll see that your child’s capacity for gratitude grows as they do.
So, take your kids Christmas shopping with you and let them pick a gift out for someone else in your family. Have them help wrap it and everything!
And when they inevitably show disappointment on Christmas morning over something they didn’t receive, don’t panic. It’s part of the process. Hopefully, one day it’ll be raining unprompted “thank you’s” from their lips and it’ll be the best gift you ever got.
