You know how school morning can go! Fun fun, fun. Some can run as smoothly as silk but most can be a real drag — especially if you engage in a power struggle. But Dr. Becky has a strategy you can employ when one of your older kids starts complaining. “Do nothing,” says Kennedy, clinical psychologist and mother of three, the popular parenting expert and New York Times bestselling author and host of the “Good Inside” podcast. Dr. Becky introduced the idea recently on Instagram regarding her kids ages 7, 10 and 13.
“I just had the smoothest, best morning with my kids before they went to school and I want to tell you exactly what I did to make that happen,” Kennedy said in her Instagram video. “I did a strategy I call ‘doing nothing.’ When Kennedy’s daughter complained loudly about waffles for breakfast again, she just did nothing.
“We had the smoothest morning because instead of engaging in a power struggle, or taking my kids’ words too literally, I just chose to do nothing,” Kennedy said in the video. “I highly recommend you try that.”
The ‘Do Nothing’ Strategy
Kennedy says that kid-parent power struggles often entail complaints, false accusations and generalities like, “You always” or “You never.” If you doing “nothing,” at first it may result in your child doubling down (“Did you hear me?! I hate waffles!”). When that happens, you can simply respond, “Oh, you do, OK.” If your child keeps on complaining, Kennedy suggests simply saying, “I believe you.” This strategy helps you regulate your annoyed inward emotions. And, if anything, it allows a laid-back way to improve your morning.
Kids invite parents into power struggles all of the time and everyone’s heard the helpful advice to, “pick your battles.” By doing nothing, you skip the crying and guilt and simply move forward. Of course, you can’t always do nothing; you have to choose when you will.
Dr. Becky says power struggles are invitations to a fight that nobody wins and everyone gets stressed. Instead of engaging directly, you can use the moment to model regulation. When you “do nothing” outwardly, you’re not ignoring or dismissing the problem, you’re simply reframing it. By validating your child, i.e., “I believe you,” you diffuse the situation and everyone wins!
Learn more from Dr. Becky’s “Good Inside” podcast.
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