As parents, it’s frustrating — and even a little scary — to watch your kids seem unmotivated or uninterested in much of anything. But before jumping to conclusions, it’s important to understand something deeper: a sense of purpose isn’t just for adults. You can help your kids find purpose and it’s a critical piece of a their emotional and mental well-being. It also plays a huge role in their long-term motivation and happiness.
William Damon, author of the 2009 book, The Path to Purpose: How Young People Find Their Calling in Life, is one of the world’s foremost authorities on human development. Damon says that kids need a sense of purpose just as adults do. In fact, the theme of “purpose” is giant in positive psychology and a secret ingredient to a happy life.
Damon also once said that the barrier to kids finding their path and purpose in life is in the fixation on the “short horizons” filling cultural messages. Today, we celebrate quick results. Instant mass communication (such as social media) gives kids false insight into highly envied other people who have taken shortcuts to fame and fortune. Instant beauty. A million YouTube fans. Influencers. This confusing messaging stops a kid from understanding that real success and purpose come from a sustained effort on something you enjoy — and it is NOT instant.
Why Finding Purpose Matters — Even for Kids
Having a sense of purpose helps kids feel more engaged, confident and resilient. Studies show that kids and teens who feel connected to something meaningful — whether it’s a hobby, interest, or cause — are more likely to stay motivated, do better in school, and handle challenges with a positive mindset.
In fact, the 2024 Voices of Gen Z Study, conducted by Gallop, found that while 73% of 12- to 26-year-olds say they feel “very” or “somewhat happy,” that percentage drops as they get older. So what sets the happiest young people apart? They tend to be more engaged in their daily lives and feel a stronger sense of purpose.
So what can you do to help your kids discover their spark?
1. Let Them Explore (Without Pressure)
It’s tempting to push your kids into sports, music lessons, or academic clubs to “get them doing something.” But purpose doesn’t grow under pressure — it grows through curiosity and experimentation.
Let your kids try different activities without the expectation of mastery. Maybe they’ll fall in love with piano, or maybe they’ll realize they’d rather stay home and build Legos. That’s OK.
Damon’s recommendations:
— Communicate to your kids that everything they do matters
— Watch for their spark of interest; every child has at least one
— Nurture a positive outlook
— Help your kids find the resources they need to pursue their interests
2. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome
It’s easy to celebrate trophies, grades and goals scored. But focusing too much on results can make kids afraid to fail — which kills motivation.
Instead, to help your kids find purpose, recognize their effort and persistence. Did they keep practicing their jump shot even when it wasn’t going in? Did they stick with a puzzle even though it was frustrating?
This is what builds grit and confidence.
Try This:
— Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” say, “I’m proud of how hard you studied for that test.”
— Instead of only cheering for a win, say, “You stayed focused and didn’t give up — that’s amazing.”
You can even create a progress chart to help them track their own growth — whether it’s reading more books, improving a sports skill, or memorizing multiplication tables. Small rewards help, but the real payoff is building self-belief.
3. Make Reflection a Habit
Kids aren’t always great at connecting the dots between what they do and how they feel. That’s where you come in.
To help your kids find purpose, create regular time for reflection — whether it’s during a bedtime chat, a family walk, or device-free dinners. Help them notice what excites them, what drains them, and how different activities make them feel.
Introduce journaling, deep breathing, or simple mindfulness techniques to help them build emotional awareness.
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4. Get Involved
Purpose often grows when kids see they can make a difference beyond themselves. Volunteering, group activities, and clubs offer great opportunities for building empathy, connection, and leadership.
Look for local events, family volunteer opportunities, or team-based sports or projects where they can feel like part of something bigger than themselves.
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5. Be the Example
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. Share your passions with your kids — the hobbies you love, the things you care about, and even the things you’ve failed at.
When you try something new, talk about it. Let them see that being a beginner is normal — and even fun.
Damon says helping your child discover their purpose isn’t about pushing them to be “successful” or filling their schedule with activities. It’s about nurturing curiosity, confidence, and compassion — so they can find what lights them up from the inside out.
Remember: even if your child seems aimless right now, that doesn’t mean they lack potential. With your support, they’ll figure it out — one question, experience, and conversation at a time.
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