The other day, I told my 7-year-old we couldn’t buy a toy he saw at the store and he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “But Daddy, I can get whatever I want.”
Um, excuse me? Why is my child sounding like Angelica Pickles from Rugrats? I took a deep breath before responding (honestly, my best parenting strategy) and calmly corrected him by quoting Mick Jagger: “Actually, buddy, you can’t always get what you want.”
A few days later, when my 3-year-old daughter said the same thing to me in a similar situation, a few things became abundantly clear: these kids haven’t listened to The Rolling Stones enough and clearly need to hear the word “no” more.
But alas, I did this to myself … In my short tenure as a father, I’ve been trying to find the right balance between being a fun dad and a firm dad, without realizing I’ve ended up a living embodiment of that Michael Scott line from The Office: “Do I want them to love me or fear me? Easy. Both. I want them to be afraid of how much they love me.”
This has led me to a potentially unpopular opinion — kids sometimes need to hear the phrase, “The world does not revolve around you.” Some reading this may think that’s too harsh (and I know that because I would’ve thought the same thing a few years ago). But just bear with me. Let’s say they’re complaining that they don’t want to go to their sister’s recital, or brother’s soccer game, or to church, or to a get-together with extended family. In these times, some parents seem a little hesitant to drop the “everything’s not about you” line.
Now don’t get me wrong about “modern” or “gentle” parenting. I’m all about using collaboration over strict obedience, validating feelings, teaching self-regulation, etc. But all that sounds great until a kid who’s never heard the word “no” tries to negotiate their way out of consequences for melting down into a puddle of rage because they didn’t get their way.
It seems we’ve become so obsessed with being our child’s “safe place” that sometimes we act less like their parents and more like their PR team.
Yes, kids talk back. Yes, kids melt down. Yes, kids refuse simple tasks. But we need to remember to teach regulation instead of making excuses or tiptoe-ing around discipline because we’re terrified of being called “too harsh.”
Because here’s the truth no one wants to say: The world will not whisper when they’re out of line. Teachers can’t coddle every outburst. Coaches won’t tolerate disrespect. And future bosses definitely aren’t scheduling “emotional check-ins.”
So, if you love your kids, make sure they hear the word “no” occasionally. Gentle is just fine. But parenting also means standing your ground even when they don’t like you for it. One day the real world will test them. Make sure home is where they learned how to pass the test, not how to dodge it.
