The Five-Minute Parent: Handling Big Feelings
Scenario: You’re at the playground with your very happy preschooler and she’s running and playing, just having a ball. Then BOOM! She collides with another running child. The kids are OK, the one who crashed into your child runs off, but stunned, your girl stands immobile and then come the waterworks and full-on wailing. She’s having big feelings!
Do You:
A) Get upset and chase down the child who slammed into her for a scolding?
B) Talk to your child about why it’s not safe to run on the playground, how to be more careful, etc.
C) Sweep up your child into your arms and comfort her until the feels pass?
ANSWER:
According to Alyssa Blask Campbell, author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, moms and dads should start with themselves first. Meaning, it’s very important for you to stay calm and intentional for your upset child first. When a toddler is melting down, Campbell says, they don’t need a talking to, they simply need to be understood. Emotional outburst from a little one can be loud both externally and internally. Campbell says instead of trying to fix your child’s behavior with words like, “You’re OK,” or “You’re all right,” simply comfort your child — for as long as she needs soothing. A very upset child literally can’t process logic so don’t launch into a lecture. Instead, name your child’s feelings giving her understanding. You can say something like, “You’re really upset right now, I understand why.” Campbell says: 1) Understand the feeling; 2) Support your child’s nervous system; 3) Teach about it later. In this scenario, the best answer is “C.”
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