Sign them up for this, sign them up for that … because if you don’t, they might not get into college one day! This is the kind of pressure that parents are facing today … and it’s exhausting.
Just six months ago, the outgoing U.S. surgeon general (a new one has been nominated by the Trump administration) said parenting has become too hard and stressful. We can see you nodding your heads.
The U.S Surgeon General is responsible for providing Americans with the best scientific information available on how to improve their health. So can parenting be made easier for better adult health? That’s a big, resounding MAYBE.
Intensive Parenting is TOO HARD!
The truth is, today’s parents face the high expectation to spend more time and money educating and enriching their kids. Researchers say this pressure is driven by the fear that if you don’t give your child every possible advantage, you have failed them. It’s called intensive parenting. And other experts have joined the surgeon general in acknowledging that its become too intense.
For instance, parents blame themselves when they think they’re not measuring up. According to Pew Research, a majority of parents feel their children’s successes or failures reflect back on them.
How did parents get here?
As scientists learned that early childhood experiences affect a child’s long-term outcome, many parents took notice. They started believing that they need to constantly optimize and stimulate their kids’ lives or the kids were headed for trouble. Now, post-pandemic, many parents are trying to make up for what they believe children may have “lost” during that time. And social media has made comparing your own kids to others’ inescapable. It’s a lot to handle.
And the pressure to parent intensively is impacting both mothers and fathers. While dads may spend more time with their children than fathers did in the past, they’re likelier to say it’s not enough.
What Happened to ‘It Takes a Village?’
Researchers say that Americans believe more than ever that parenting is an individual job, not a societal one. And parents experience more loneliness and isolation than nonparents — with added stress to boot. Researchers also say that while parents need ‘the village,’ to raise their kids, people today aren’t as available as they once were.
The surgeon general’s signal about the harsh reality of intensive parenting puts the focus on parental mental health … which impacts children’s mental health. The increased demands of raising children intensely means a shortness of leisure time, sleep and time alone with a spouse.
Endeavor to Make it Less Intense
And so a little less intensity about child-rearing is in order. Reaching out to friends and relatives for support can help. And making time for yourselves — insisting on time for yourselves — to improve your health while doing away with any guilt can help.
The truth is, parenting IS tough, it always has been. It’s also extremely unselfish. But that doesn’t mean you have to abandon yourself for your children. In fact, embracing yourself and your needs are the keys to better guiding your children toward success. No matter what.
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